GRR-OSS: I'm Terry Grr-oss and this is "Fresh Airedale". Today, we welcome Don
Rosenbit, top dog behind Collywood.com and Rod Weiler, Private Eye Dog. Collywood.com is a new Internet site, which, in a very short time, has developed a lot of fans.

DR: Nice to be here.

GRR-OSS: Rosenbit? Let me guess that must be your dog pen name?

DR: Yes, my name is really Rosenblit, but I changed it for professional
reasons, so I got the "L" out. Rosenbit is more appropriate,
don't you agree?

GRR-OSS: Let me chew on that. I guess we're in for a lot of dog puns today.
For those few of you that have never clicked on to collywood.com,
my guest, Don Rosenbit, has created a virtual world of cartoon dogs,
acting very human. One of the featured characters is Rod Weiler,
a tough, hard-boiled private eye similar to the private eye icons
back in the 40's.

DR: The private eye is the detective hero of American crime fiction that
had its beginnings in the 1920's engendered by Prohibition and
Gangsterism. The violence of the period was the hot subject of the
popular pulp magazines of the time. In the 1940's, we were introduced
to the prototype private eye in Bogart's Sam Spade, in the film,
The Maltese Falcon and in Robert Mitchum's Philip Marlowe, in
The Big Sleep. Rod Weiler is patterned after Spade and Marlowe.

GRR-OSS: The fact that he operates out of glamorous Collywood must offer a
wonderful source of material for developing your characters.

DR: We're talking about the seamy side of Collywood, not the
glamorous Collywood that the movie mongrels portray in films.

GRR-OSS: I like the relationship that Rod has with his secretary, Beth Barker.

DR: For the record, Beth Barker is his secreterrier, and I agree, she
plays well against Rod's wit and wisecracks.

GRR-OSS: Sorry, hopefully I'll get this dogspeak down before the end of the
interview. Let's listen to a sound bite (whoops) between Rod and
his secreterrier, Beth Barker.

BETH: Rod, you promised not to unleash that bottle of Jack Spaniels until
after work.

ROD: That's Beth Barker my secreterrier. Pain in the butt. Always on my back
to straighten up and walk right. But it ain't easy teaching an old dog…
well you know. I got a two pack a day Paw Mall habit. I drink like a
Portuguese water dog and play hard…hard ball in a hard town.

BETH: This office is a mess. What goes with the newspapers on the floor? There's
a perfectly fine tree and hydrant right out the door.

ROD: All right already! Put a muzzle on it. Jeez…she's really a sweetheart. I work
her tail off and pay her pupkes. Not to mention, occasionally dragging her
into some pretty nasty business.

GRR-OSS: Beth Barker really seems to get on Rod's case, but is there more than
a business relationship?

DR: There's a lot of sexual tension, but mostly unfulfilled. Just when
things seem to be heating up, something, someone comes along…like
getting doused with a bucket of cold water. They can't seem to hitch up.

GRR-OSS: I've got to ask, not even petting?

DR: Sorry, no petting, not even butt sniffing. Rod is definitely a sexual
animal, but saves his romantic encounters for his beautiful clients.

GRR-OSS: This is a cartoon show, but it doesn't sound like kids programming.

DR: I suppose some kids will click on, but Rod Weiler is GRR rated.
More "R" than "G".

GRR-OSS: In what way?

DR: Objectionable language; hydrant humor, bodily emissions, use
of the "N" word.

GRR-OSS: Really, the "N" word exists in a dog society?

DR: Unfortunately, there's still some breed injustice in the world
and "nipper" is still used among some groups.

GRR-OSS: How about sexual content or violence?

DR: Yes, there's full underneath nudity and some violence;
crotch poking, biting, nipping and scratching.

GRR-OSS: Back to the beautiful client, in your first feature, "Play Dead",
I really liked the Babette deBeagle character. And obviously Rod did
also. Let's listen to Rod's reaction when Babette enters his office.

ROD: Babette deBeagle had long legs, ran all the way up and made an ass out
of themselves. Expensive collar, manicured nails, and a great dog dew.
It was easy to see that she was full of herself…all kibble and tits.

DR: Babette's quite a babe. Really had a tough life, which she turned
around when she met Cecil deBeagle.

GRR-OSS: Let's listen as Babette describes what it was like living with a famous
movie director.

BABETTE: When I met Cecil I was just a stray on the street. He promised me a way
out and I grabbed it. Unfortunately, it didn't take long to see what a
rotten dog he was. But I swore that I would never return to the streets,
scratching and begging for every meal. In spite of his faults, there was
some good in Cecil. He would always share his food with me, and he
could be very gentle. But lately his behavior became bizarre. He would
suddenly fly off in a distemper rage and snap at me if I so much let out
a whimper.

GRR-OSS: Sounds like Cecil deBeagle has a problem. I bet Collywood has its
share of villains. Who are some of the bad dogs?

DR: Top dog is Lucky Lassieano, who Rod firmly believes was
responsible for killing his paw. Rod has vowed that someday
he will put Lassieano away for good in the state pen or better yet,
in a pet cemetery. However, most of Rod's encounters are with
Lassiano's husky's like Al K. Bone.

GRR-OSS: Al K. Bone. That's the bad dog with real spikes in his collar and
bad doggie breath?

DR: I think that one of these days we'll see a serious dog fight with
Al K. Bone pushing for Lassieano's for the top dog spot.

GRR-OSS: I also liked Rod's confidant, Basil Rapbone, the old blues singer whom
works at Scotties Bar & Grr-ill.

DR: Rod and Basil have a special relationship. He's a piano playing/singer
with an interesting history, which is revealed when you click on to the
character bios. One of 16 pups, born on a farm in rural Barkansas,
Basil moved to Gnawleens and became a legend singing the blues. A big
movie mongrel discovered him and brought him to Collywood.

GRR-OSS: That's what I find so interesting about your web site. I love the scripts,
but it's great fun to surf through the site to get insights on the
characters, the history of Collywood and other features.

DR: Besides Rod Weiler, there's some good fun when you click on to
Scotties Bar & Grr-ill. When the rest of Collywood closes up, all the
top stars in town visit Scotties to jam.

GRR-OSS: I also understand that Collywood has it's own TV network.

DR: That would be WOOF Collywood. The new season's lineup has
some great shows; The Gay Dog with Poochie Cockapoo, Farter
Sorepoochie preaches church dogma, then there's Canine Camera,
and Entertainment Collywood with Mary Heartworm, dishing out
all the Collywood poop. I believe you have a cut of Mary Heartworm?

MARY: You heard it here first. Oscur winner Gwyneth Bowtrow and
Mutt Damon were caught in a late night romp through the park
in an off-leash area. A panting Bowtrow denied rumors that the
pair was planning to get hitched. "Mutt and I are just "Plutotonic"
friends", she insisted.

GRR-OSS: "Plutotonic friends", I love it. Let's hear more from Mary Heartworm.

MARY: In the "old habits are hard to break" category, English actor
Chew Grrant was caught once again humping a Collywood hooker.
Grrant's career was threatened several years ago when he was
charged with committing a lewd act with Divine Brownie, a hooker
who went on to appear in the movie, "Taken for Grranted". Grrant
denies knowing that the latest hooker was a transvestbite. Yo Chew,
didn't you notice that the plumbing was different?

DR: Rod's secreterrier, Beth Barker also answers letters from fans in a
feature called "Dear Beth". Here's a cut with a question for Beth
about Chew Grrant's little indescretion.

GRR-OSS: Oh yes, and sorry Chew.

FAN: Dear Beth, I read in Mary Heartworm's column that actor Chew
Grrant got caught again humping a transvestbite. What the heck
is a transvestbite? Confused.

BETH: Dear Confused, A skirt with male genetails, who doesn't know squat.
Beth.

GRR-OSS: What a howl. My guest today is Collywood creator, Don Rosenbit,
the writer formerly known as Don Rosenblit. Do you ever worry how
many good puns are left in you?

DR: First of all, there's no such thing as a "good" pun, they're all bad, or
they ain't good. And I feel like I've just scratched the surface.

GRR-OSS: So, what's the future hold for Collywood and Rod Weiler?

DR: I believe that a TV show, backed up with an interactive web site, would
work well. Should a network or Dreamworks or Time-Warner come
calling, we could handle it.

GRR-OSS: I could see going online while watching the TV show to get inside
character and plot poop. Any chance that we'll be seeing Rod in the
movies?

DR: It's a sensitive subject. A while back, I had this idea about busting
some pups out of a deplorably run Puppy Farm. They were locked up
in disgraceful conditions in filthy cramped quarters, which they labeled
Stalwag 17. There was this circus performer, Jo Jo the Human Faced
Dog…well, you know. I was even hoping that Mel Nipson might do the
voice of Jo Jo. Maybe I needed some chicks. Timing is everything.

GRR-OSS: And the title could be "Dog Run"?

DR: Something like that. Hey, I knew that you'd catch on to dogspeak
before the end of the interview.

GRR-OSS: And I probably won't be able to turn it off for the rest of the day.
Thank you Don Rosenbit for your wonderful tails about Collywood.
Now it's time for us to paws for a word from our corporate
sponsors who support "Fresh Airedale".