ROD:
Hey, driver, instead of Turd Avenue, let me off on Fort Street.(In a few minutes, the cab pulls up on Fort Street near Shady Lane. Rod pays the fare and gets out of the cab. Shady Lane is the most notorious street in Collywood. All night bars and strip joints line the street. Painted ladies hang out of windows, displaying their wares. Barkers set up for business by the curb to promote all forms of seedy entertainment. A sleazy Schnauzer with a wiry coat and bushy eyebrows ambles up to Rod.)
SCHULTZIE:
Looking for tail? (Rod starts to respond, but Schultzies'endless patter cuts him off, as he's directed down the street.)
The name is Schultzie. Look around, you want, we got. Like a supermarket of beautiful babes. You like Terriers? There's a foxy one. How about a pair of Scotties, one white, one black? Like a big Dane? This one's really great. May have to put you up to it. You like sixty K-nine, we've got that too. See that one, a real good licker. You know what they say?
Licker is quicker.
ROD:
Actually, I prefer to lick my own. What goes with the muzzle?
SCHULTZIE:
She bites, a little.
ROD:
Ouch! (Rod tries to pull away, but his eye catches a lady hanging out of a window.)
Say, how much is that doggie in the window?
SCHULTZIE:
The one with the waggly tail? (Rod nods.)
A buck and a half.
ROD:
A hundred and fifty dollars?
SCHULTZIE:
No, a dollar fifty.
ROD:
So much for my taste in women. Hey, pal, thanks for the guided tour. Maybe, some other time.
(Rod pushes past Schultzie and heads for Turd Avenue.)
SCHULTZIE:
(Shouts after Rod) Next time, ask for Schultzie. That's me, Schultzie. Vet comes by every week and checks my ladies out. All fine quality ladies.
(As Rod walks towards Turd Avenue, he thinks about the political atmosphere in Collywood)
ROD:
I wonder why Mayor Corgi hasn't cleaned up Shady Lane, like he has in many other sections of Collywood. Crime is down, which slows down my business, but there's a general approval of the mayors' efforts. Everyone knows that mob boss, Lucky Lassieano, controls most of the action on Shady Lane and squeaky-clean Mayor Corgi seems to be looking the other way. Oh, well, Shady Lane was an interesting distraction, but now, it's back to business.
